“Stay hungry, the world owes you nothing” my landlord once said two years ago. This phrase summarized to me the idea that determination and drive is what will get you what you want; staying hungry was the fuel to my ambition. Staying hungry came easy when you truly, from the deep bottom of your damn heart, knew what you wanted in life. I felt that so long as you knew deep down what your goals and passions were you would do anything in your capability to achieve what you truly desired; you stayed hungry to get it.
But as this year comes to a close I must say that my appetite is not as strong as it used to be. This first year has shown me how a repetitious schedule cocktailed with undirected motivation can do to a person’s soul. It can kill it and numb it. I swear there have been multiple times I have questioned why my decision to come here or go in the direction that I did. Its quite humorous to reflect on my mentality at the beginning of the year regarding my current thoughts and emotions. I was so innocently motivated and determined. Where is that rj now? He needs to come back.
I feel being in the books all day and not having more “hands-on” patient interactions has blurred my focus. For it was having that humanly interaction with people that need help the most is what kept me going. These are the people that need my help and I am doing for them. Once you cut that interaction out of life it is easy to forget why you are doing the things you are doing in the first place. Yes I know there have been opportunities to help here and there, random health screenings, outreach opportunities, blah blah but I want something more substantial. Something constant. A job might change this but luck has not been on my side thus far. But I cannot complain. I might be asking for a lot but all I want is an opportunity to apply what I know to the real life. Tests can eat a dick. I do not want to study for the test, I want to study for the people. Tests cannot motivate me, people do. But as I ramble on, at the end of the day I always like to think of what state of mind I was in a year ago. A year ago I was on the ropes when it came to admissions, taking hit after hit, rejecting after rejection. Made me question myself, am I good enough? Then the unbelievable happened. I got in. Words cannot entirely express what I felt in that moment but the closest I can describe it is that all my hardwork, sweat, tears, setbacks, and failures have summed to that one moment of validity; the sun’s rays were shining bright that day. My happiness reflected how much I wanted it and more importantly WHY I wanted it. That moment right there is what keeps me going right now. I know it is easy to get caught up in the everyday shit but now more than ever I need that constant friendly reminder of why I am doing this. It goes way beyond me and dives deep into my desire to genuinely do it for the people that need it the most, that deserve it the most. I have been blessed with the opportunity to pursue a career that can change lives and can make a difference for the greater good. I need that friendly reminder.
So discover what you love, what you want to achieve, and what makes you happy. Keep these ideals close to you.
Stay hungry. Live simply.