Recollections.

Hello. Im Ronnie. Nice to meet you.

you think you know, but you have no idea; shit I have no idea.

aspiring for the future as well as learning to live for the present.
music, food, friends, family fuel my determination.
laughter and chilling are an essential part of my diet.
spontaneous occurrences are better than planned occasions.
artistically expressed; words are not exactly my specialty.
values sincerity.
perspectives change, as does mine; open minded.
seeking adventure; stepping away from the familiar into the unknown.
gaining wisdom through experience.
strongly believes happiness can be found in the simplest things; people tend to look for happiness in all the wrong places.
views life at different perspectives; there is more than meets the eye.
acknowledges that life is not constant but rather life is in constant motion.


food for thought:
search and question to find understanding. But it is not necessarily coming to an understanding that is most significant, rather it is the constant pursuit for understanding that makes life interesting. life is not intended to be easy. life is intended to be fun, vivid, and vibrant; live and experience. feel pain to feel love. be lost to discover. There is no such thing as perfection, perfection does not exist, for there is always room for growth. and in order to grow one must struggle, experience, and discover; life is not handed but is ultimately constructed by it's beholder. therefore, construct wisely. carpe diem.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

2010 Resolutions:
+ Take a snapshot everyday
+ No more sweets
+ Stick to my philosophies
+ Find out what matters to me the most.
+ Rediscovering my passions
+ Better myself as a person/ friend/ son.
+ Discover something new about myself
+ Look forward.
+ Go to the gym on a consistent basis, no bitchassness
+ "just do it."
+ happiness is a choice, lets make some good choices then.

Tumblelogs I follow:
Jun 27 2014

Completion of 2nd year of pharmacy school + euro trip + Celestine prophecy + conversations with JJ about finding inner peace = new found appreciation and awareness.

* completion of 2nd year

* arriving back to SF finally at 5AM after a 8 hour delayed flight in philly. total 25 hours of transit time from paris. 

___________________________________________________________________

Two weeks ago after our finals I drafted this.

 “I thought I would feel a sense of accomplishment once this quarter ended. But instead I have been left with something else on my mind.

This year I found myself in a constant state of disappointment, discouragement, and an overall feeling of negativity that has been building up. This year has persistently challenged me mentally. Never have I felt so unsure about my ambitions, motives, and personal capability which if you know me I find this a very very very uncomfortable state. (I am a firm believer of finding out what you love to do, why you love to do it, and making choices in accordance to what you love doing; what do you want to achieve in life?) This pasted year I have been constantly stressed with failure upon failure not achieving the goals I have set for myself, barely dodging potential opportunities of remediation, and with essentially just trying to get by.

But I know stress is good, in fact I welcome it. I feel stress pushes you to new limits, it pushes you to see what you are capable of, it allows you to see what you are able to achieve when you try you best. Hard work pays off right? But what if it doesn’t pay off then what does that leave you with? This is where I am left confused. I don’t mess around. I accordingly balance my time well and when its grind time its grind time and I expect results. But when results are at least mediocre this disturbs me. What does this mean then to me? This beats on my mental confidence, takes a shot at my ambitions, and essentially I am left to wonder am I cut out for this? My drive and passion for what I thought love doing is running on low because I am constantly asking myself “can I do this based on my current results?” So what does this mental status result in? A unconfident, unmotivated, fearful, confused student that is constantly stressed. And this stress is not productive as I previously described stressed to be. Stress without passion and desire is wasted energy and I have been running on empty the past few miles.

Whats funny is that exactly a year ago I had this same feeling. “stay hungry” I told myself. I live and die by this. But who wants to eat when you climb the tallest tree in the land to get fruit and all you get is sour bitter fruit as opposed to sweet ripe delicacies. I thought time and interning would make me see the light. And it definitely has. Interning has showed me what applying the things I learn at school can do and how it can change and better peoples lives. ITS FUCKING AMAZING. This is why I love going to work (even though at times it can be overbearing  and cumbersome; but it is stress with desire). But I guess then the issue then is proving to myself academically I can do it. Striving towards perfection and greatness is always something I pushed myself towards even though I know that that is not suppose to be the goal. The goal is growth. But when you do not receive the results you get especially when threatened by a possible reality of remediation and not graduating with the class you have started with, the class that you have grown with, have struggled with, and have come to love, it becomes hard to stay hungry. This is not a fruit that I want to eat but that is what is has been served at the table. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE REST OF THE FOOD.

 Luckily I have found 1 sweet fruit for now. I have dodged this bullet for now.

 Thankfully.”

Since then I have been thinking a lot, putting into perspective how I got into this distasteful and negative mind. Time away from school, this trip, this book that I have read, and a previous conversation with a good friend about prioritizing “inner peace” now as opposed to pushing it off till “next time” or once you accomplished what you have envisioned has summated into a realization to “wake up to the blessings and beauty around you and it is there you can find peace within yourself.”

Its intriguing how you can get caught up in the everyday grind and struggle especially when you are demanding of yourself. It blinds you. It shuts you off from your connection to the world around you. It blinds you from truly appreciating the blessings you do have and how far you have come. Yes grinding and striving towards progress and perfection can lead you to amazing places but once you lose sight on why you are going in that direction in the first place, whats the point then any way? You lost touch with the very source of your ambitions. Learning to be content and appreciative of the NOW is the problem since it is so easy to always say “I can do better or I need to do better or I have not gotten to where I want to be at YET.” But when will YET come? My friend has posed this question to me and I am thankful for that. YET creates this image of “not there” or “keep going youll find salvation and peace there but not HERE” which can be poisonous. It implies this idea that you must achieve before you can find rest and accomplishment. But most of the time once we have come to this “endpoint” in reality it is not the end, it is merely a check point for another “YET”, for another goal and then again we push off inner peace. So this comes to leave me thinking YET may never come but NOW has so why not embrace NOW?

Through the book I read and this trip, I have come to realize that you consciously need to take a step back and be aware of how events in your life (no matter how big or small, how bad or good), the people you encounter, and the conversations you have with these people play a role in appreciating the NOW to make you see how far you have come and how much you have grown to ultimately find peace HERE as opposed to “over there”; the green is greener on the other side they say but actually it where you water and cultivate it is where it is green. Even the “bad” roots have opportunities for growth.

These events in our lives happen for a reason, coincidence or not. But being conscious of the importance of these events sheds light on discovering new things not only about yourself but on others around you, on how you are connected with them and on how you can grow further together. This past trip was not only filled with beautiful memories and food but a significant amount of unfortunate events that triggered emotions and behaviors that I normally do not get to express in which has effect on people that I do not like and I am shameful of. But I realized that these events provide the opportunity for transparency and truth, awareness and growth, realization and appreciation. You have the opportunity to see the dark side of the moon in order to appreciate the whole. And so taking this further I see it that there will be events in your life that may seem irrelevant and may be a pain in the ass but I think there is a higher reason or a higher realization at hand but it takes consistent conscious awareness to see the relevance to ultimately bring peace within our selves. So I am thankful for what this trip has made me see.

Ultimately I am now left with this:

Keep an open and calm mind

Be consistently aware

ALWAYS know your questions, motives, and ambitions and why for this will give purpose to your struggle.

Trust your struggle.

They say don’t look back keep going forward, but sometimes you must see the past in order to see the significance in how far you have come and will be.

Appreciate the plate your served.

Progress can be beneficial, but without peace is detrimental.

But most importantly, love and do not take for granted those around you and that have come into your life, they are a beacon for support and growth.

Wake up to the beauty and blessings around you and may we find peace here. 

Jan 1 2014

values.

continuously edited list:

Do not forget why you are doing the things you are doing.
Better yourself, better the world around you.
life is simple. We make it complicated. 

day 1

Repetition. Repetition. Repetition. 

Its easy to get caught up in the repetition. 

Nov 3 2013

its been a while.

never forget what got you here, why you wanted to be here, and whom youve gotten here with. 

Aug 11 2013

cloudy day

life goes on. people come and go. but the memories will last forever. thank you for everything

Jul 1 2013

strive not for the results, riches, or glory but rather strive with purpose.

Jun 22 2013
reflect. 

reflect. 

the canvas above.

the canvas above.

Jun 21 2013

            “Stay hungry, the world owes you nothing” my landlord once said two years ago. This phrase summarized to me the idea that determination and drive is what will get you what you want; staying hungry was the fuel to my ambition. Staying hungry came easy when you truly, from the deep bottom of your damn heart, knew what you wanted in life. I felt that so long as you knew deep down what your goals and passions were you would do anything in your capability to achieve what you truly desired; you stayed hungry to get it.

            But as this year comes to a close I must say that my appetite is not as strong as it used to be. This first year has shown me how a repetitious schedule cocktailed with undirected motivation can do to a person’s soul. It can kill it and numb it. I swear there have been multiple times I have questioned why my decision to come here or go in the direction that I did. Its quite humorous to reflect on my mentality at the beginning of the year regarding my current thoughts and emotions. I was so innocently motivated and determined. Where is that rj now? He needs to come back.

              I feel being in the books all day and not having more “hands-on” patient interactions has blurred my focus. For it was having that humanly interaction with people that need help the most is what kept me going. These are the people that need my help and I am doing for them. Once you cut that interaction out of life it is easy to forget why you are doing the things you are doing in the first place. Yes I know there have been opportunities to help here and there, random health screenings, outreach opportunities, blah blah but I want something more substantial. Something constant. A job might change this but luck has not been on my side thus far. But I cannot complain. I might be asking for a lot but all I want is an opportunity to apply what I know to the real life. Tests can eat a dick. I do not want to study for the test, I want to study for the people. Tests cannot motivate me, people do. But as I ramble on, at the end of the day I always like to think of what state of mind I was in a year ago. A year ago I was on the ropes when it came to admissions, taking hit after hit, rejecting after rejection. Made me question myself, am I good enough? Then the unbelievable happened. I got in. Words cannot entirely express what I felt in that moment but the closest I can describe it is that all my hardwork, sweat, tears, setbacks, and failures have summed to that one moment of validity; the sun’s rays were shining bright that day. My happiness reflected how much I wanted it and more importantly WHY I wanted it. That moment right there is what keeps me going right now. I know it is easy to get caught up in the everyday shit but now more than ever I need that constant friendly reminder of why I am doing this. It goes way beyond me and dives deep into my desire to genuinely do it for the people that need it the most, that deserve it the most. I have been blessed with the opportunity to pursue a career that can change lives and can make a difference for the greater good. I need that friendly reminder.

            So discover what you love, what you want to achieve, and what makes you happy. Keep these ideals close to you.

Stay hungry. Live simply.

 

Jun 4 2013
Consider that you can see less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum and hear less than 1% of the acoustic spectrum. As you read this, you are traveling at 220 km/sec across the galaxy. 90% of the cells in your body carry their own microbial DNA and are not ‘you.’ The atoms in your body are 99.9999999999999999% empty space and none of them are the ones you were born with, but they all originated in the belly of a star. Human beings have 46 chromosomes, 2 less than the common potato. The existence of the rainbow depends on the conical photoreceptors in your eyes; to animals without cones, the rainbow does not exist. So you don’t just look at a rainbow, you create it. This is pretty amazing, especially considering that all the beautiful colors you see represent less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum. NASA Lunar Science Institute, We Originated in the Belly of a Star (2012)

(Source: thinksquad, via andyweezy)

Mar 9 2013
bloom.

bloom.

soar.

soar.

light up.

light up.

Feb 12 2013

Round and around and around and around we go

Ohhh ohhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it

Something in the way you move

Makes me feel like I can’t live without you

It takes me all the way

I want you to stay

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